It's Always Darkest Before You Turn On The Light

  Moses sees the suffering of his people and appeals to God for deliverance. Moses:     O Lord!  See how your people doth toil!  Deliver us from the cruel shackles of bondage! God:          Say what? Moses:     Your people suffer under the yoke of oppression!  Let us go forth from this place of misery into the land of our fathers and our fathers' fathers and our fathers' fathers' fathers..... God:         Huh? Moses:     Me and the guys want to go home God:          Right.  Well, off you go then Moses:     Alas!  The Pharaoh has hardened his heart against the children of Israel! God:          For fuck sake, Moses, can you get to the point? Moses:     The Pharaoh won't let us go God:          Why not? Moses:     Cuz he's a bit of a bollocks God:          Oh...

  A lot of people (well, ok, three) think that St. Patrick invented green beer.  Others believe he was the guy who ran all the snakes out of Ireland by whacking them over the head with a fistful of shamrock.  (True, there are no snakes in Ireland, but there ARE politicians and lawyers, which is the next best thing.)  Still more people believe him to be the lead singer with U2. St. Patrick was, in fact, the first Irishman in space.  At that time (432 A.D., or 230 if you're using a gas oven), the Irish government (two guys called Mick and a sheep called Stella) decided to embark on a space program to put the first man on the moon.  (They were hoping to eventually colonize the moon and had even come up with the surname of the first lunar family - the Mooneys.) They advertised in the national newspapers for a monkey to travel on the very first trial space shuttle but, as fate would have it, there were no monkeys in Ireland and, even if there were, where w...