It's Always Darkest Before You Turn On The Light

 (The Scene:  A mile outside the town of Damascus.  A road sign reads 'Damascus - 3,576.32 cubits.  Or 0.268224 parasang. Or one mile. Anyway, it's that way.'  Saul, a middle-aged man from the city of Tarsus, is walking along appreciating the local flora and fauna and wondering if he should squeeze that pimple he found on his arse that morning when he got home or if he should just leave it alone.   He is whistling a merry tune and appears not to have a care in the world.  Suddenly, a very bright light shines on him and, blinded, he falls to the ground.  Then a voice, seemingly out of nowhere, booms at him) Voice          Saul!  Saul!  SAUL! Saul             (blinking and covering his ears) Jesus Christ! Voice            Exactly Saul               What? Voice             Y eah...

  So I was driving home the other day (as is my God given right under the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms),  and when I went to turn left onto my street I noticed an elderly woman, who, by the looks of her, could have been one of the first people on the Ark, step unsteadily off the sidewalk and head towards the other side of the street, directly in front of me.  Not wanting to run her over (this could, after all, do costly damage to the front of the car), I decided to wait for her to cross because I didn't want to hasten her demise although, at the rate she was going, I'd have been doing her a favour. Well, to say that she was moving slowly would be an extreme understatement.  At one point I wasn't sure if she was moving at all or if (a)  she had gone into a coma-like trance and was unsure of her surroundings (b)  she had actually died and rigor mortis had set in (c)  she was trying to fart (d)  she was trying to hold in a fart (d)  s...