It's Always Darkest Before You Turn On The Light

A  MIDSUMMER  NIGHTMARE It was a moonlit night in old Mexico.  I walked alone between some old adobe haciendas.  Suddenly, I heard the plaintive cry of a young Mexican girl: "You better come home Speedy Gonzales!"... Wait! Wrong story!      It was a fine summer night.  A warm, gentle breeze tickled the lush foliage of the trees in the courtyard of my building - their boughs heavy with summer's bounty.  I had just enjoyed a most pleasant and invigorating late evening stroll and was feeling quite peaceful and at one with the world.  I felt showered with the blessings of the universe, and the calm of the evening enveloped me in a delightful blanket of tranquility. I returned home and, upon entering the front gate, heard a repetitive chirping sound which, though initially pleasant and not unlike the agreeable sound of a cricket, became quite irritating in its repetition to the point where I surmised it must be som...

THE  URBAN  BIBLE (what it might look like today)   LUKE 12:27-40 Luke            Consider the lilies in the field Man #1        They're not lilies.  They're daisies Luke            No, they're not.  They're lilies Man #2       Actually, he's right.  Lilies are not native to here Luke            Look, it doesn't matter.  I'm trying to make a point here Man #1        But it's not much of a point if you're going to mention flowers                    that no-one knows Luke            Everyone knows what a li...

Ay, There's The Rub My daughter - let's call her Carol although her name is Robyn - gave me a gift certificate for a spa treatment.   I had never been to a spa before, so I headed off, eagerly anticipating a glorious, relaxing, indulgent massage. The spa was a most luxurious place indeed.   Upon arrival I was ushered into a room furnished with comfy chairs, lofty ferns, scented candles. The relaxing sounds of the sea were all around.   On a low oak table there was an array of glass containers and glasses - water, water complimented with a hint of lemon and lime, wine (wine, for fuck sake!), and a bowl of fruit.     In the corner, an extremely well-hung, naked man sat gently strumming a ukulele with his penis.   Ok, I was just making sure you were paying attention.   Carry on. If you stare at this picture and let your eyes go out of focus, you'll get a headache As I was taking in this most decadent scene, a woman appeared and l...