It's Always Darkest Before You Turn On The Light

  My daughter came into my bedroom at 5 this morning (an ungodly hour that I had up to now believed was a mere rumour) and informed me that there was a mouse in her room.  I asked the only question that I believed to be pertinent at the time - "Is it playing the harmonica?"  Because, as we all know, a mouse in one's bedroom is one thing, but one playing a harmonica (particularly considering that rodents are not renowned harmonica players so it stands to reason that the playing would not be particularly tuneful), is quite something else. She informed me that, to her knowledge, this particular mouse appeared not to be playing the harmonica or, for that matter, any kind of musical instrument, including the clarinet which is not popular with mice because of its length, rendering it quite difficult to hold and play at the same time.   Well, that was a relief, I must say.  So I leaped out of bed and immediately fainted as I have never (a)  leaped out of bed ...

 "Captain!  You're back!", said an elated Mr. Spock as James T. Kirk climbed in the window of the Starship Enterprise dragging a semi-conscious Frenchman behind him.  Marcel Ratatouille blinked and stared about him.  There was a fog in front of his eyes which soon cleared to bright spells and showers. The Captain resumed command and immediately began barking orders.  "Spock!  Get me a progress report!  Uhura!  Take this man to the sick bay!  Sulu!  Get the cleaners in here!  I want this place shining from the bow to the ah...to the ah...."  "That's stern, Captain", said Sulu.  "You bet it's stern", said Kirk, checking the Captain's log for woodworm. Suddenly, an alarm bell sounded and a terrified voice called across the speaker.  "Captain!  There's an alien on board and we think it's eaten Scottie!  "Good lord!", exclaimed Kirk, "are you sure?"  "Well, sir", replied the voice "it...